It holds all the tradition of any church.

• Members who donate money generously – both individuals and corporations
• Volunteers who zealously donate their time
• The sacrament of confession
• Theologians who clarify the beliefs for the faithful
• A figurehead who teaches the faithful through televised talks and news appearances
• Learned experts who perform their rituals

It is the Church of Planned Parenthood. And like any good church in America, they hold 501c3 tax-exempt status. And believe it or not, as a pro-life person, I support this tax status.

Members who donate money generously – both individuals and corporations

The rallies and local events, such as the Nasty Woman art festival are fantastic ways for members to both get involved in the community and donate their money. A local event was so successful that they raised over $30,000 in 5 hours.

Many corporations and charities also fund the Church of Planned Parenthood.

Volunteers who zealously donate their time

Each week, as they attend “committees and events”, volunteers assist with the Church’s mission – to escort women in to fulfill their declared right – to end the inconvenient truth in their womb. Never mind that to many of these women it may not be an inconvenient truth.

Never mind that it may be a child to be adored under any other circumstance. Never mind that the women may not be aware of the help available to them at this vulnerable time when they may feel betrayed by those they love most – the father of their child, and their family.

No. While the women may be sadly entering the Church, the volunteers are there to take up the battle cry and demand the rights of these women who may be too sad or weak to do so. Resigned to a fate which imposes an emotional burden they may not be later able to handle, they are led into Church in the sure hands of the true believers.

The Sacrament of Confession

Much like Catholic confession, anything disclosed to a clinic volunteer or worker need not be reported to police. Note, not the doctor, but the volunteer.

For instance, if a 40 year old man brings his 15 year old girlfriend in for a rite of the Church, demanding that the living evidence be removed, the workers need not call the police.

It has been said this is to protect the privacy of the patients- that they would be less likely to attend Church safely and speak honestly with their caregiver if they were to fear publication of their conversation.

Theologians who clarify the beliefs for the faithful

You needn’t look far to find the works of learned theologians clarifying the beliefs of the Church. At any women event, be it in entrepreneurship or tech, the assumption is made that all present are members of the Church.

The organizers of such events are quick to assume that as an ovary-endowed-American (OEA), you are automatically an enthusiastic member of the Church. As such, any events whose proceeds monetarily benefit the Church, may be promoted at all OEA events, even if they are not related to Church.

At January’s women’s march, it was assumed that women were members of the Church. As such, women celebrating life were told not to attend the march, as that was a blatant display of blasphemy and not protected by free speech.

“Good” women, “real” women are dutiful members of Church. They donate freely and support the faith. The services provided by the Church must be monetarily supported by non-believers and any talk to the contrary is hate speech against women.

A figurehead who teaches the faithful through televised talks and news appearances

Cecile Richards is a beautiful, well-spoken leader for the Church. Featured on morning talk shows, she expounds on the rites and rights of the Church. The members are entitled to pre-natal care and mammograms. Without these rites of the Church, the members would go without care. The only problem is that most chapels of the Church no longer offer these services.

But no matter, Pope Richards will defend the rights of the members to these services. And I have to agree with her. OEAs do have a right to these services. Where she falls short, is that the services are not and need not be provided by the Church. Plenty of other caregivers offer mammograms and prenatal care, also covered by medicaid, most within a couple of miles of a PP chapel.

Learned experts who perform their rituals

The sacrifices performed in the sacred rituals of the Church of PP, do require advanced learning. Unfortunately, they do not require the generally accepted federal medical oversight. There is safety protocol for the procedures performed in the sanctuary and at the altar of the Church; yet the Church seems to have received a religious exemption. Unlike even an elementary school’s nurse office, the sanctum of the Church is exempt from routine safety inspections.

Full Church privileges

For the reasons listed above, Planned Parenthood should receive an absolute right to continue their 501c3 tax-exempt status. As a non-profit, while they do generate much revenue from their rites and rituals, the money has rightfully been reinvested in the staggeringly high salaries of their leadership. The PPP (Planned Parenthood Pope) makes nearly $1,000,000/year, while the chapel leaders receive an average of $238,000/year.

And, in keeping with the time honored tradition of separation of church and state – their Church should receive not one penny of government money.

Some may point out that the government does give much funding to Catholic Charities for contracted services, similar to the Church of Planned Parenthood. Catholic Charities, however, is greatly restricted and receives tremendous oversight.

In fact, the religious restrictions placed on Catholic Charities in their adoption procedures forced the closing of their services in several states. The result? Kids were placed back in the system and given to already overburdened case workers.

If Planned Parenthood wishes to continue to receive government funding then, like Catholic Charities, they should need to:

1. Receive regular medical inspections
2. Meet the same medical standards as any care facility performing outpatient surgeries which is not on the grounds of a hospital.
3. Receive payment for specific procedures and stop performing others – or have the medicaid funding go to facilities which do not perform those other procedures.