God calls us all to forgive. It’s hard enough to forgive someone who apologizes; near impossible to forgive someone who hurt your heart and doesn’t care.

And yet, He forgives us time and again when we forget to keep Him first in our hearts. He forgives us when we shake our fists and blame Him for our troubles. He forgives us when we spit in His face and walk away. He forgives and loves us even when we refuse to apologize. He loves us when we’ve given Him no reason to do so. He comes to our rescue and sacrifices for us when we don’t deserve it.

And he calls on us to do the same for each other.

God, You ask so much. But You give so much. And so I will try.

Tonight I spoke with my amazing Dominican priest, Father Raphael, about a situation in which I want to forgive and love someone who has not apologized, but I do not yet feel love in my heart for them. Here is my attempt at a summary of his advice that turned my heart.

1. Say (in your heart) “I do not hate _______”.
2. Say “They are a child of God, created with love in their hearts. The capacity to love and be loved.”
3. Say “I love _______. While they may not currently be showing their capacity to  love, as a child made in the image of God, they are deserving of my love and compassion.”
4. Say it in your prayers, til you can say it out loud.
5. Say it out loud until you can feel a change in your own heart.
6. When you feel true love, compassion, and forgiveness in your heart, at that point you may be ready to say to them “I love you. I know you have the capacity to love and be loved. I want to let you know that I do love you.”

The objective in all of this is not to change the other person. We cannot change someone else. The objective is to change your own heart. To some how, in some way, share a tiny bit of the love and compassion that our Lord showed to us, regardless of how badly others may hurt us.

He calls on us all to LOVE as He LOVES. To love Him and to love one another. Disorder seems to happen in our world when we try to love one another before loving Him. When we do that, and are the victim of a hurt, we do not have His example to rely on. We refuse His loving arms to carry us when we can no longer stand on our own.

However, when we first love Him with our whole hearts, when He is what motivates us throughout the day, when He guides the words that come out of our mouths, only then can there be a hope of showing true, loving compassion and mercy toward one another.